:: 1.41421356237 ::

:: Tuesday, October 30, 2001 ::

and prokofieff, and LBJ's tortilla chips.

:: sqroot2 10/30/2001 11:17:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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LiLxMouse (9:59:14 PM): phil is gonna be gangsta, josh is gonna be phil, and they want me to be josh
LiLxMouse (9:59:39 PM): [but] i dont have dorky clothes :-P

LiLxMouse (10:07:18 PM): be a penguin!!!!
LiLxMouse (10:07:19 PM): hehe
LiLxMouse (10:07:24 PM): that way u both lester and urself!
LiLxMouse (10:07:25 PM): ahahahh.a

:: sqroot2 10/30/2001 10:02:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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papa john's, liszt, halloween, today in general...things i want to blog about.

:: sqroot2 10/30/2001 06:26:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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i want to clarify my emotions about that thing...that thing that i mentioned...but how i am to without disclosing it? oh...i love that thing...?

:: sqroot2 10/30/2001 03:37:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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well, well, here i am in the tech lab during lunch, after just having escaped from the familiarity of mrs. stamper's room, and, to some degree, the monotony. a few things bugged me--in particular mrs. stamper's comments toward my attitude toward vijay and anurag.

i need some time to myself, without anybody else. perhaps...i have too much already? i don't know. i am increasingly dissatisfied with life, my feelings being the result of many things, one thing in particular, which some may know and some may not. i'm not dissatisfied with that thing, don't get me wrong. it leads to my dissatisfaction, it engenders my dissatisfaction, but then it is not at all dissatisfaction.

yes, i need some time to myself. a computer screen is but a small poor solace; the piano is better. but just the same a piano doesn't afford time with myself. instead i forget myself and music is the whole of my concentrations. indeed, as cathartic as piano or cello may be, it doesn't give me time for myself.

i make my own decisions about people and i act upon them. that's what i think.

i am so frustrated. escaping from mrs. stamper's room...was a temporary solace. not a solace at all, indeed. a refusal to face situations. but what would i do without the thing that i mentioned before? go crazy, at best? what am i doing now, going crazy nonetheless? questions that i cannot answer--answers that i do not wish to face.
hopelessly sunk into a quagmire of self-pity am i. i hate it, i hate it, i hate it.


:: sqroot2 10/30/2001 12:45:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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sooooooo tired...must go to sleep soon. went to sleep at 2:30 last night reading dostoevsky!!!

:: sqroot2 10/29/2001 09:02:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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feeling...somewhat listless and dissatisfied. maybe the prose in crime and punishment is getting to me

:: sqroot2 10/29/2001 04:46:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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hm...wanted to say a few things today.

rather depressed, for many reasons. the second i jump into my mom's car she grills me over yesterday's science bowl again. she came out quite straightforwardly and said that she didn't believe me. well, who am i to judge, to say? yes, i've lied to her before; that is not my worry. so what if i lied to her yesterday? i won't tell my audience if i did or not--because PRECISELY that is NOT the point. i may have told the truth; i may have lied; i may have gone nuts, lied, and thought i told the truth. it doesn't matter. her whole aura of distrust matters. my purpose in my relationship in my mother is not exclusively to exculpate myself whenever she thinks that i'm lying. it's not my prerogative to judge myself; it is hers; if she believes that i had lied to her, i don't feel like i need to exculpate myself. it's a matter of trust--does she trust me? had she trusted me, then she wouldn't have interrogated me the way she did.

who can judge himself?

other thing--english class. evidently i mumble and talk into my book a lot, despite my efforts otherwise. what, i apologize to my class; i'm sorry for talking incoherently. but indeed, my dear classmates, what does your understanding of what i am saying matter to you? you could perfectly well do without it. at least you, my friends, don't toss off my ideas to my face. i apologize without meaning it, a horrible thing to do. i am disgusted with myself.

i have put this quote before on my blog, i believe, but then it must come again, because i like it so much. from [feodor] dostoevsky's novella notes from the underground, the opening lines:

"I am a sick man. ...I am an angry man. I am an unattractive man. I think there is something wrong with my liver. But I don't understand the least thing about my illness, and I don't know for certain what part of me is affected."

:: sqroot2 10/29/2001 02:56:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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i dreamt a bit about crime and punishment today in my 15-minute nap from 8:05-8:20. weeeeeeird.

before i forget:
LiLxMouse (9:23:25 PM): like {a href="http://www.mousemark.net" target="_blank"} (no angle brackets lest blogger interpret it as a link)
gotta remember that!

:: sqroot2 10/28/2001 09:24:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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hm, science bowl as well as bridge building was today. fun fun fun :D

:: sqroot2 10/28/2001 09:18:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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matt is coming up with really good links. :D
http://www.mi5.gov.uk/images/line.gif
Mattuvok (11:36:30 PM): i guess thats changing a bit soon

:: sqroot2 10/27/2001 11:37:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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matt just sent me this link: http://www.cia.gov/cia/information/artifacts/seismic.htm. matt thinks:
Mattuvok (11:31:28 PM): good for those times when you need to know if someone is coming down the hall toward your room (gotta have time to change what web page you're on :-D)
i say: good for detecting people approaching stamper's room. or more specifically her back room.

:: sqroot2 10/27/2001 11:34:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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i'm back from seeing a concert with peter and his parents...very interesting program. first schoenberg's five pieces for orchestra, then mozart's third violin concerto, then intermission, then mozart's jupiter symphony. with all deference to schoenberg's art, he's a little too modern for my tastes. oof! so atonal!

the mozart was refreshing, but i appreciate it less than i'd appreciate a rachmaninoff piece, for example.

tomorrow is scibowl tryouts for new members...should prove to be interesting (in more ways than one). ;D hm...can't think of much to address besides music.

OH! two quotes i've meant to put on here for two weeks now.

three thursdays ago, in physics:
me: what are you doing?
matt: screwing the air!

thursday before last, in physics:
bevans: ian, could you please remove your foot from the lab table?
ian: but my foot likes it there.

yes, i thought those two were hilarious.

:: sqroot2 10/27/2001 11:29:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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well, i got home from santa monica third street promenade with my mom and dad about an hour ago. then i played piano and ate stuff.. :)

anyway, about the promenade. it reminds me of berkeley...so bustling and full of energy. a LOT of chinese people were walking around...it's three city blocks of open-air shops, and wonderful. all along the middle of the street there are various performers. one was really really cool--actually two were--but one guy was playing drums on just a myriad of overturned plastic asphalt buckets and tin cans. and i thought he was playing REAL DRUMS until i looked! it was very impressive, very much so. he had quite an audience, too.

what was even more impressive was this rather shortish man with asian features doing the kick-the-bowl-onto-your-head act. so he takes one bowl and kicks it up with his right foot and it nests right into the bowl that's balancing on his head. then he takes two bowls and does the same thing. then three. then three bowls plus a tin canister. then a spoon goes into the canister, and the last thing was he held an apparatus (for want of a better word) in his mouth that had a teapot and a cup. then he kicked the lid of teapot onto the teapot, which made the teapot tilt and pour water into the cup. so kitsch, but so neat. it was SO COOL!!! i didn't believe my cello teacher when he talked about people that did that kind of thing--kick things onto their head.

the promenade also afforded a lot of time for me to think. it felt like i was somehow detached from the surroundings--this seems to be a place for the noveau riche, and i'm certainly not part of the nouveau riche. yes, i spelled noveau/nouveau twice because i think it's the latter but may also be the former. clarification, anyone?

well, at any rate, it was pretty cool walking up and down those blocks and thinking. just thinking, that's all; contemplating the things that are going on in my life.

i liked the change of going out to someplace bustling and full of energy as third street promenade was. i think i'd love to be the average person there--somewhat well-off, snappily dressed, free with money...but then i get the feeling that i'd be extremely awkward. i don't like metal analog watches very much. they don't fit with my psyche. they connote wealthiness, in a sense, which is something that i don't want to be associated with unless i'm really really wealthy and i don't mind it. they're also so formal compared to my attire--usually jeans, casual-ish shirt, black velcro shoes. yeah, i get uncomfortable when i wear stuff like that--analog watches, dressy dress shirts, igh.

so maybe i won't be typical third street promenade person. i'd feel out of tune with myself, really.

i really must ask my mom soon about november 17th...

:: sqroot2 10/26/2001 11:57:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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i'm starting to like blogback more and more for one main reason: posts are in reverse chronological order. hmmm...should i switch?

:: sqroot2 10/26/2001 03:23:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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my friends, my blog is coming out all wrong. i don't want this to be a diary or a daily journal. this is a repository for my thoughts. my friends, this is a philosophical blog, as much as you may think or want to think otherwise. what philosophy, you say? my philosophy. what i think, the way i think, the how of what i think, the contorted way i can write and speak, this is my philosophy--and that includes my philosophy about music, which is so pervasive.

my philosophy about love began to enter long ago, when this was a private blog. i've been putting much less now that it's public.

but what can i say in this blog? oh, what philosphy can i put here, what brilliant flashes of inspiration as i see in others' blogs? sometimes you get an idea that just shines, that twinkles facetiously at you, like a jubilant, joyous star in the sky...you know on a trite advertisement, the view moves to the sky and a star just twinkles--twinkles at you! at YOU! not at anyone else, but at YOU only.

oh, let me expound on something...

but no, my attention has been distracted. i just finished reading her blog. what can i say, but i am in awe of her prose? call me biased, for i am; i am hopelessly biased, some may know. but the scintilatting vocabulary. this reminds me of a good performance of a piece of music, a really superb performance that only exists in my mind--why the runs are dashed off so effortlessly, the notes are tinny when appropriate--what rapture! music, in a way, can be very climactic.

leonard bernstein once said to glenn gould, "you played that cadenza so beautifully that i almost came in my pants!" what, i've never experienced anything of the sort when listening to or playing music.

but i digress, and i went back to music again. i hate my mom sometimes, more and more so. she cannot see things the way i see them, she refuses to, even as i type this she's yakking away at how i always spend time blogging and my grades are going down. FUCK THAT! ARE MY FUCKING GRADES FUCKING GOING DOWN? cheesus.

i find an endless pursuit of knowledge extremely stimulating. i've begun to relearn differential equations, diff eqs for short (dif ee-ques). they're engaging, but i have to find a new text, because the one that i have is a little hard to understand.

i wish i had more time to read. i am a selfless slave to the great authors--oh, bellow, nabokov, ellison, oh, what rapture--what rapture. i can revel in an art that i may well never be able to master. the art, i say, the art of writing.

:: sqroot2 10/26/2001 12:07:00 AM [+] :: something to say? []
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i'm cussing more and more on my blog, and less and less at school. so weird.

:: sqroot2 10/25/2001 09:12:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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freakily enough, every day i max out my hotmail account size; today i deleted 78 new messages without even reading them. so now i'm down to a more reasonable 1794kb, or something like that...aw shucks, who cares.

science bowl was reasonably deflating. goddamit, i must be the only person in the world who understands my own speech. *sigh* i'm thinking about quitting science bowl altogether, since i'm not going to it in deference to science olympiad...i like studying and reading but not necessarily answering on the fly. oh well, that's personal preference. disappointed for other reasons, too, which won't be mentioned here. i'm going to go crazy with my constant depression. fuck.

:: sqroot2 10/25/2001 09:11:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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my dear tutorees, MY TUTORING YOU IS HALF THE BATTLE! my god, a mom just called me because her son got 15/30 on an algebra quiz. chops away at my piano and free time. thank goodness they're not going to read this...i think.

:: sqroot2 10/25/2001 05:50:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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how's this for music my friends--i shall analyze rachmaninoff's third concerto, which is MY FUCKING FAVORITE PIECE OF CLASSICAL MUSIC THAT ALSO HAPPENS TO BE THE ONE PIECE THAT I SIMPLY CANNOT PLAY BECAUSE OF ITS DIFFICULTY! can you understand despair, despair, despair that i cannot play this piece?

the first movement starts with the strings' accompaniment of the first theme that the piano introduces with a note in each hand--very simply a melody that's introduced in an octave. as rachmaninoff stated, the minute-long melody "just wrote itself". it's supposedly very russian, but i'm sorry, my dear russkys, i don't know what russian sounds like. in the whole first movement the piano is very prominent; after all, rachmaninoff wrote it as a showpiece for new york audiences during his first (?) visit to the united states. the second, slow theme is absolutely gorgeous. it's pretty simple too, like the theme from rachmaninoff's vocalise--but beautiful. ohh. what rapture! the first theme returns two more times, and before the last time there's a humongous cadenza--the longest in any of rachmaninoff's works. i'm going to stick in this sentence to see if you actually notice it, and here i profess my affection for a certain lizard. he wrote two cadenzas, a bold, powerful one first and a lighter, more scherzo-like one second. he preferred the second. horowitz did too, saying words to the effect that "you don't want to hear what's coming up before it comes up"--that is, with the first cadenza, you saw the ending before it happened. argerich also played that in her legendary 1982 concert with the radio symphony orchestra of berlin under the direction of...shmuck. who was it? riccardo chailly, methinks, though it might be kirill kondrashin. the young pianists of today--the three big giants, leif ove andsnes, evgeny kissin, and arcadi volodos--play the first, bolder cadenza. maybe they want to show off? yes, i think they want to show off. anyway, the movement ends with the first theme reappearing and the final notes heard are three open d octave chords in both orchestra and piano solo, played at pianissimo.

thank you for not reading that paragraph, if you didn't, and thank you for reading that paragraph, if you did. the analysis of the other two movements will be saved for later, joy!!!! i'm going to move on now. more music, which will probably sicken the fuck out of you. i'm going to learn the third movement rondo of beethoven's first concerto, which i admire immensely. technically it isn't even that hard, i realized today after sight-reading it (that was what i was doing for the past hour or more). it's for sbyo--i can't play rachmaninoff second *SIGH* or liszt first *SIGH* for their concert because the conductor thinks that our orchestra isn't up to it.

now, if you have gotten down here, good. DO YOU KNOW THAT THE IRA IS BEGINNING TO DISARM!?!?!? holy shiiiiiit! man, that is a milestone! awesome!

ok, i can't remember what i wanted to put. i'm sorry if you don't appreciate the music that i put here, because even if you like classical music, you might not admire the genre that i love, which is piano concerti. take my apology/whatever you call it at whatever value you like. i'm not one to dictate, or am i? you tell me.

:: sqroot2 10/24/2001 11:33:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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i've started playing rachmaninoff's second concerto, first movement again. technically i'm more advanced than when i stopped playing it ~6 months ago. it's certainly a beautiful piece, the whole concerto is, and easier than the third concerto overall. rachmaninoff composed the last two movements first, played them somewhere (and got good reviews), and then composed the first movement. consequently, i think the first movement is original and fresh, as compared to the last two movements, which are both in ABA form. i don't like ABA that much; the first movement is rather linear, not circular in its construction and themes aren't rehashed in different keys. the first movement ends on an emphatic c minor chord; the second movement begins on a c minor chord and modulates quickly into e major. it ends on an e major chord; the third movement begins on an e major chord and modulates back to c minor. thus even with this the movements are cohesive.

if i ever toured the world just playing one piece, it'd be the rachmaninoff second concerto. it's the single piece that i've sweat over the most above others; my score is wrinkled and fingeringed and fingered and marked all over. the first movement, at least. i had to tape up the spine area because the soft cover was ripping off. it's a yellow schirmer edition, and it's been well-used and -loved. oh, i wish i could play the whole piece perfectly, right now.

:: sqroot2 10/24/2001 12:32:00 AM [+] :: something to say? []
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humph. math presentation seriously wasn't too good, will address that later. off to do HW aaaaaaargh!

:: sqroot2 10/22/2001 08:33:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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*yawn* off to sleep soon...

:: sqroot2 10/22/2001 12:32:00 AM [+] :: something to say? []
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big family argument

:: sqroot2 10/21/2001 08:11:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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wohoo...practically didn't blog yesterday.

i'm glad david won the gavel, because he deserved it. i'm still irked that i was pushed out of contention for it for two main reasons: 1) the shorter and less fat facetious chair didn't call on me. so whenever the gavel was passed to him, i didn't get points. 2) mr. michael hayden, director of the NSA, whom i played, simply doesn't have a big role--he was probably the least important person in the cabinet, along with the CIA director. a secretary can address the issues pertaining to his department--defense obviously has a big role, because he can order troops; treasury and commerce (both weak delegates) can say what they believe the economy will do and how the public should deal with it. fuck it, hayden doesn't have a say in this kind of thing! all i can do is say the nsa will do whatever is necessary to find out more about the hostage situation, etc. etc. i can't make up any evidence; i have nothing to say! i don't know any evidence; the situation was all hypothetical. what am i supposed to do, pretend like i contacted my operatives in china and tell the cabinet what he said? can't you see that my character was useless, unless it was in real life? consequently people could ask david defense secretary, do you think we should use nukes while i'm supposed to sit there and find out if president jiang zemin of china had sat on his thumb today. frankly, not many people in the cabinet wanted to know if jiang had sat on his thumb yet, and i wouldn't know if he did.

the us and chinese cabinets have different chairs and are in different rooms; however, the same awards are shared between the two committees and correspondence passes between the two committees. the chinese cabinet committee was highly unruly; the chair condoned the actions of nuking paris and Washington. also the same chinese cabinet chair decided that cuba as well as south korea would be wiped off the map because they too were nuked. oh, i was so jaded by the stupid actions of the chinese cabinet. the crisis simulation idea is fun, and i want to do it at other conferences, but only if the chairs know what they're doing, and if i get a reasonable character. not too much to ask.

well, i can't think of anything else to say now. or, that's all like i feel like writing...

:: sqroot2 10/21/2001 07:50:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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came back from MUN...talked a bit with april, which was cool. dad needs to use comp..

:: sqroot2 10/20/2001 11:03:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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so, i was talking about yesterday's concert. first half: steven stucky (new composer)'s son et lumiere, a pretty boisterous piece of modern music. aah, my opinions on modern music someday. someone remind me. then came rachmaninoff's third concerto, with leif ove andsnes playing an american-made steinway concert grand. second half, after intermission, was sibelius's second symphony, in d major. i was five rows from the front (hooray for student tickets!) and paid $10 for a...um...$63 ticket.

andsnes has a gorgeous tone. when it's harsh, it's because he wants it to be that way...for example, the d minor descending chords in the third movement, like two minutes in. (i mean, you'll know what i'm saying if you know the piece well.) in other places--nothing harsh at all, very pleasing to the ear, not piercing; inevitably chords ring slightly longer if they are caressed rather than pounded. must be some physics thing, but that's the way it worked. he made one noticeable mistake, and that was not hitting two chords in the first movement cadenza...otherwise, his playing is so nuanced. the opening is shaped...beautifully! even that little russian melody, the almost laughably easy opening, is phrased so delicately. his melodies are logically shaped; his control over the keyboard is such that the volume of the sound as well as the timbre are under his complete power. he sways to the playing almost clownishly--but i certainly didn't mind. and his pedaling is almost like a time-beater--it's as if he kept time by stomping the pedal.

i daresay he knows the piece inside and out. pity he didn't play an encore!!!!!!!!!!

his recording does not do him justice, nor does any recording do a real musician. a recording can modify tone quality; the dynamic range is less than a live sound.

during intermission i attempted to go backstage through the artists' entrance, but the security guard refused to let me through to the dressing rooms. he told me to check back after the performance, so i clapped just a bit for the sibelius and dashed out of the theater, down the steps, along the street, and arrived at the artists' entrance once again, where the security guard phoned another security guard, who affirmed that mr. andsnes would not mind seeing visitors. so i went up the elevator, the door opened, and standing there were martin chalifour (concertmaster), steven stucky, and esa-pekka salonen chatting to some concertgoers. so then mr. andsnes was nowhere to be seen, and i heard some music coming out of a dressing room, and realized that the dressing room had his name on it. so i knocked, he opened the door, and we chatted in the doorway about the rach 3, about the liszt no. 1, and some other musical things. he autographed my copy of him playing the rach 3rd concerto and spoke softly with a slight accent. a truly talented man! his hands were extremely large; i recall that after i shook hands with him. no one was even waiting to see him after me (!) which was surprising. anyway, i thought it was a wonderful privilege to have been able to converse with this great pianist. it's like...HE ACTUALLY TALKED TO ME! wow.

that's all for tonight, i wanted to put those thoughts somewhere. :)

oh, homecoming was fun...in many ways...

:: sqroot2 10/20/2001 12:58:00 AM [+] :: something to say? []
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yesterday i went to watch leif ove andsnes playing rachmaninoff's third concerto at the dorothy chandler pavilion. i will blog about that eventually; now i have to research for edison!!!

:: sqroot2 10/19/2001 10:18:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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hm, just got back from orchestra.

a gazillion things are running through my mind right now. a mental high, perhaps; my sickness is better, or rather my sickness is worse, i am better.

say, what is the meaning of doubt?

:: sqroot2 10/17/2001 10:20:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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this blog will span a time of one hour. after reading my math text, span has a new meaning...*shudder*

i just came from recording myself...

recording was highly disappointing. when you listen to your own recorded playing you can really see what you're doing badly, wrong, or unintentionally. which, in effect, deflates your self-esteem, among other things (like making you want to practice more). so i record the opening of the concerto, i listen to the recording, and am greatly disappointed by what i hear. the opening octaves are way too choppy, like a chef hurriedly dicing up a rotten rack of lamb. and then...every little mistake, every tiny mistake like a fraction-of-a-second-miss-the-key is transferred quite placidly and innocently onto tape, and it's quite obvious when you listen to it. AAARGH! so then i'm playing the third movement, which is the [fast] scherzo, and then it all sounds like shit. so then i quit recording and decided just to practice, and record tomorrow and thursday. oh well...!

ok, my nose is stuffed up...this blog is just getting to be a rant, which is fine by me. ok, now my comp sci lab works, much to my own personal satisfaction (though it didn't work when i had to turn it in).

i wonder how many people think the Colin essay was mine...which it wasn't. :D

i SHALL not let this sick-bug detract from my ability to do anything.

ok, i'm getting distracted from blogging now. math presentation is starting to get more fun. disturbing, eh? :)

:: sqroot2 10/16/2001 11:32:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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egh, mouth all sore. don't feel well.

:: sqroot2 10/16/2001 05:02:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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i think i caught something--sore throat, marginally runny nose, lack of energy. i really don't think it's anthrax, but the possibility pops to mind :D

:: sqroot2 10/15/2001 11:44:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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i'm embarking upon an ambitious recording project: the solo piano part of liszt's first piano concerto. so now the family room of my house has my grand piano stripped of its cloth cover, with two piano benches near the piano (but not in front of the keyboard), one chair whose height is augmented by a sofa pillow (to the proper height that I desire) in front of the keyboard; a microphone rubber-banded to a photo tripod which is balancing on a chinese chess board sitting on one of the piano benches. the last item is the main part of my recording apparatus.

compared to my expectations, the recording quality is superb. :D i just have to find an equitable mean between the treble and the bass, meaning exactly that. sometimes the bass is too loud if i point the microphone this way; in other cases, the treble may be too squaky, covering any bass. it's about ok right now.

*yawn* tired...caltech's last essay "fill the space below with something you think that is interesting. be creative!" is a poop. well, back to that, i guess. my mom keeps on telling me to use the computer less, and it's really annoying.

:: sqroot2 10/15/2001 10:50:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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hm, i've come down with something. coughing slightly, sort of sore throat.

i wonder if the norton critical edition of crime and punishment will do. mr. colin said twice that the translation we were using was by a man named garnett, but then i picked up that edition, compared the language with the norton edition...and then decided that the margins on the garnett translation were really way way way too small to write much in. i'll ask him tomorrow. worst case scenario--i'll use the school copy of the garnett in class, and read the norton edition at home.

practicing while i'm alone. have to get to that someday, and talk about the opening of the liszt first piano concerto.

oh, i must come to terms with the fact that i don't get enough time with vicky...and i'm putting it there no matter who sees it. fuck the publicness of this blog, i'm putting whatever i damn please on here. igh, i may change my opinion later and then just edit this post. me and my mercurial temper.

oh, i can't think of what else i wanted to write! blogging is such a relaxation, too...i like it a lot, a lot.

i woke my dad up by playing a few notes on the cello. not pretty.

:: sqroot2 10/15/2001 12:34:00 AM [+] :: something to say? []
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hm...marginally sore throat...

:: sqroot2 10/14/2001 07:52:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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how many seniors are still taking sats?

:: sqroot2 10/14/2001 12:44:00 AM [+] :: something to say? []
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it's interesting how my audience doesn't leave too many messages as compared to other blogs, such as vicky's and texas guy's. don't patronize me now; i just find it interesting.

:: sqroot2 10/14/2001 12:37:00 AM [+] :: something to say? []
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i saw apocalypse now redux today. i think i expected more from it. heart of darkness conveys its own message much better than does the movie; furthermore, the movie is not philosophical enough to be a deep movie that makes you think nor is it violent and lewd enough to titillate the viewer's more primal instincts. but it's a very intellectual movie on the whole--including a quote from "the love song of j. alfred prufrock"! :D well, you watch it, decide, and tell me. that's what i thought.

at any rate, i just finished six delicious dumplings, all very good. yum yum! i woke up at 12 today, but i'm feeling a little tired now a half day and half hour later--so i fathom i'll be going to sleep soon.

the liszt is starting to become cohesive!

:: sqroot2 10/14/2001 12:35:00 AM [+] :: something to say? []
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i like curly fries too! except tacos are good AND cheap!! :D

:: sqroot2 10/13/2001 03:10:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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watching apocalypse now at 4 at regal, i hope...

:: sqroot2 10/13/2001 03:08:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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have to blog about practicing when i'm alone. later...i hope i remember. plus something else that i just forgot. ARGH!

:: sqroot2 10/12/2001 10:06:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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just finished eating three JACK IN THE BOX TACOS! mmm they're soo good! :D

i have to practice some piano. >.< or rather, a lot. schubert's sonata in a minor for the arpeggione (like the viola da gamba (?) but now the sonata is played on the cello) is SO hard. perhaps the hardest piece in cello literature? i would say so...from what i know... but i like it a lot.

good luck to everybody who's taking sats tomorrow!

:: sqroot2 10/12/2001 10:03:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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my hotmail account's temporarily unavailable. that's rather frustrating.

i played chinese chess with my dad! fun fun fun fun fun! he beat me though :( and it took...pretty long by my standards, ~30 minutes. aack! my brain can't, or isn't conditioned, to think simultaneously about several situations and their eventual repercussions. i'll have to work on that. my dad had this really incredulous expression when i asked him to play chinese chess with me. it was funny

well, pizza time. or pizza time soon...talk to y'all later. :D

:: sqroot2 10/11/2001 09:49:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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i think i'll just leave reblogger on my page, though it's not being used very frequently...i'll see.

:: sqroot2 10/11/2001 06:31:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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no math. disappointing.

:: sqroot2 10/11/2001 06:26:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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i recall, and find it fascinating, that sviatoslav richter, at the end of his career and life, knew almost every piece of western piano music ever written by memory. that's genius; that's powerful.

toward the end of his performing career, richter began to use scores during performances. his rationale? first, he thought his memory (as well as hearing) was going; second, if chamber music players could use their scores, why couldn't he?

i think it's so much better to play with a score if you need it. on chopin's revolutionary etude, for example, i definitely need the assurance of a score if i play it in public. granted, i can play it by memory smoothly without the score, but with the score it's much more comforting. even a piece that i know as well as the second movement of beethoven's pathetique--i would use a score when performing. on the other hand, i'd find no need to use a score in dvorak's cello concerto, first movement, because i know it so well. generally speaking, though, a score is extra reassurance, if only psychological.

:: sqroot2 10/11/2001 12:41:00 AM [+] :: something to say? []
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glad vicky's okay now. it's amazing how comforting something small like that can be...

:: sqroot2 10/11/2001 12:13:00 AM [+] :: something to say? []
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integrals are soooo cool...math hw is actually sort of fun. :D i want to go eat dumplings now!!!!!!!!

:: sqroot2 10/10/2001 10:32:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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what beauty frustration can be!

:: sqroot2 10/10/2001 03:02:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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igh, i want to put so much shit on this blog that is intimate, but i decide against it. it's a painful thing when you censor yourself.

things to blog about later: practicing when you're alone, and something else that i forgot.

:: sqroot2 10/10/2001 02:56:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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hm, i haven't blogged much today...igh, i'm thirsty. want a cup of water! i'll go get one after i finish blogging.

i really need more sleep, speaking generally. i've been yawning and napping through classes...ah well. *shrug* college apps are more important than sleep...

i find if that i don't want to get sick, i can usually put off getting sick. same thing with getting tired--if i have enough willpower and i'm not deathly tired, then i can stay up all i want until my brain lapses for a second and i collapse into deep sleep. watch, i get proven wrong and arrive at school tomorrow with a cold and a fever. ah well :D

i wonder how much of my deeply personal life i should put on this blog...

:: sqroot2 10/09/2001 11:29:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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"Sorry, publishing is temporarily unavailable. Doing something to the servers. Please try later today!"

okay...

egh...sometimes i'm at a loss as to what to say.

:: sqroot2 10/09/2001 02:49:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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i just emailed vicky, in retrospect perhaps saying some things better left to myself. vicky, if you read this, it's an admission of guilt on my part. now that this blog is public, i can't put as much as i want on it. and the content is inevitably altered because of this publicness. c'est la vie; you give, you take. i don't want to leave high school with my peers only knowing my facade...

i feel like crying. second time in three days.

:: sqroot2 10/08/2001 11:48:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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wow, lots of short posts...feel sort of depressed today, for some reason or another. p'raps.. missing someone?

*shakes head* at any rate, lester wants us to do ten trig integrals tonight (tonight, la la la la la laaaaaa...i'm sure someone knows the words)...which are actually really fun if you know how to do them. for me, that's not always a guarantee, so therefore it isn't always fun.

i want a piano with ivory keys! X0

egh, homework now. see y'all later.

:: sqroot2 10/08/2001 07:02:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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piano lesson today...i have to get the liszt concerto prepared sooooooon!!!!!!!! :D

:: sqroot2 10/08/2001 04:43:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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i've been won over...reblogger it is. ding my bell and make my day and leave a comment! :)

:: sqroot2 10/07/2001 11:37:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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brendan, isn't dance macabre by saint-saens? unless...maybe you're about the liszt piano concerto totentanz, subtitled dance macabre...enlighten me.

:: sqroot2 10/07/2001 10:38:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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ok, took the poll out--alxnet is not very stable as of this moment, and furthermore, the formatting is a bitch.

:: sqroot2 10/07/2001 10:32:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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the pervasive smell of durian emanates from the kitchen--or rather, emanated. i can't smell it now in the computer room, which is a good thing, because 1) i don't like the smell and 2) i spend a lot of time here. anybody like durian? i think i'll put up polls on my blog--one to see if you like durian, and the second to see if i should put reblogger on my page. i'll just use alxnet, which vicky uses--too lazy to look for another one :D

made shrimp dip/shrimp pate (the former if you're philistine like me, the latter if you're all sophisticated and such)! YUM YUM! good shtuff!!!!!!

:: sqroot2 10/07/2001 10:23:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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sorry, misplaced modifier. i've reworded the following sentence:

should i put reblogger on my page? PLEASE email me here if you care either way!!!!!

:: sqroot2 10/07/2001 09:20:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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i've started the past three blogs with words that ended in vowel-h. weird

:: sqroot2 10/07/2001 08:09:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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eh, score of 11 on the serial killer quiz.

:: sqroot2 10/07/2001 08:07:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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ah, i finished chapter three in physics. ok, i get rectilinear motion. that word used to crack me up every time i heard it. recti-linear motion. muhahahhaa! okay, maybe it's just me. yup, off to chapter four in a bit...

:: sqroot2 10/07/2001 07:35:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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huh. physics test tomorrow! boohoohoo. i need to memorize all the formulae, how annoying! and i haven't gotten enough practice to know right away when to use which formula. c'est la vie, so i'm going to study as best i can now and try to get a good grade tomorrow. i have two quotes by sviatoslav richter that i want to post and elaborate upon--both very good quotes. for math--I DON'T GET LU AND LDU FACTORIZATION! booooooooohoohoo! schmuck. well, off to physics!

:: sqroot2 10/07/2001 06:36:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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too late to call...how long does good will hunting last?

:: sqroot2 10/06/2001 11:26:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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*sigh*...no les miserables today. big argument with parents; dull, dry tears of desperation, burning, passionate tears of anger. :( went to hesse park at around one, but that's something else.

i went with my sister and her friend to usc's health fair thing--and got some free stuff. cool cool. and then i saw ANURAG (*shudder*) there for JSA. now tim says he was there too. i just came home. hw, physics, college apps left; not a lot. well, not much to blog about...

:: sqroot2 10/06/2001 06:13:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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i didn't practice as much piano as i wanted to today. oh, i wish i had practiced more! but then argued with mom over les miserables tomorrow--that was time-consuming--and i'm presently working on college essays. they're ok, i guess, especially if i have to finish a few if i am to go tomorrow. I WANT TO GOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO GO!

i didn't go to work today. i'll probably end up feeling bad about it later on, but it doesn't bother me now. i just slept through the time that i was supposed to work...

i want to read.

real horrorshow groodies, my dear, real horrorshow groodies.

:: sqroot2 10/05/2001 11:17:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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oof...i practiced so much liszt today. wonderful! it's progressing quite admirably. three days, and the fourth movement learned, just not up to speed.

my posts are so music-oriented that i wonder if i turn visitors off and away (which i assume i must inevitably do at one point or another).

ya know what...the martha argerich concert is poopy because all the nice tix are sold out--as in cheap tix. 14s are gone, now only 30s and higher are left. which means i have to do the rush ticket thing--go there right before the concert, wave my pvphs id around, and buy a ticket somewhere in the audience for 10 bucks. cheap, but by no means guaranteed (especially since argerich is so popular and famous!). if i do end up going, i want her autograph!!!!!!!!!!!

want to study math tomorrow. and do other stuff ;) some of ya know what i'm talking about.

martha argerich really beats the seventh sonata. whack whack whack! her playing is really percussive--suitable to the music. but she can be lyrical, too, which is admirable, and everything's invariably fast. always, no matter what. argerich is really mercurial, and she's always always fast.

oh btw, i'm also going to a oct 18th concert with leif ove andsnes (guy who looks like josh bell) playing rachmaninoff's third concerto. he toured the world with that piece three years ago (i have a recording with him playing it made in...oslo? scandinavia somewhere) and finally he comes to la. wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:: sqroot2 10/05/2001 12:41:00 AM [+] :: something to say? []
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ai, there was scibowl today.

i am disgusted with myself.

:: sqroot2 10/04/2001 06:38:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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eh..argued with mom for so long on and off this afternoon and evening. arguing with her is bullshit.

dunno if i can make les miserables. i can't dish out any more money as it is--i have to pay instrument tuition. if i do go, then parents will have to pay for me so my checks don't bounce once i write them for math club and orchestra transportation costs and shit. yeah, and other thing is that mom most likely will be adverse of the idea of my doing anything with vicky. she's abnormally paranoid about that matter (rightly so?). so i don't know if i can go, and that's directed toward vicky as an answer. XO! i need that ctrl-7 smiley on AIM.

i reinstalled ie 5.5, and am using it now. it hasn't crashed yet after reinstallation--yay! big improvement! piece of shit!

i want to see apocalypse now redux over the weekend. fuck college applications--i don't even know if i'll have time [to see ANR, abbvd.]. it's R, and i'm fifteen. fuck this shit.

:: sqroot2 10/04/2001 06:27:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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i have a fucking headache...i just finished the physics lab. my brain isn't functioning...i was just wondering a second ago if it was supposed to be just finished or jusht finised. i'm breaking out in a cold sweat now, even though i feel rather hot. okay, my eyes are itchy and dry too, and, oh, i feel so horrible...

why can't life grant me the little, most important things? when i am feeling mentally down like now, i am almost guaranteed to be physically down as well. *sigh*! i hate competition...and i find myself reprimanding myself for saying this, but prince and richard got to spend a lot more time with vicky over the summer than i did...i hate jealousy, too. hate it.

:: sqroot2 10/04/2001 01:15:00 AM [+] :: something to say? []
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weare pawns of life

:: sqroot2 10/03/2001 11:56:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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i love music. fundamentally it is so mathematical, yet there's more to it than just harmonies. glenn gould described his 1981 rerecording of bach's goldberg variations as a new way of looking at the piece, focusing on the mathematical relationship between the aria and the thirty variations. gould was such an eccentric. oh, i wanted tog et that out...but now back to physics

:: sqroot2 10/03/2001 10:40:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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no, there is no difference between a-sharp and b-flat.

on the piano, they are the same key. on the piano you cannot adjust the pitch to suit your a-sharp or b-flat chord. however, on stringed instruments, you can change the pitch minutely so that it becomes more ear friendly. to prove that i know what i'm talking about, take the d major scale. if the f- and c-sharps are played just slightly sharper, the scale is more pleasing to the ear. harmonically, this is not correct--you can verify this by trying to play double stops with the slightly adjusted pitches--the double stops sound horrible. thus, when you are tuning, there is no difference between a-sharp and b-flat. it is only in the practical application of the notes in a passage of music when you change the pitch slightly, thus marking the "difference" between a-sharp and b-flat.

that's my emphatic two cents' worth.

:: sqroot2 10/02/2001 11:54:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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it's funny how when i was a little kid, i struggled to get through half an hour of piano playing. i just finished practicing the piano for about two hours...and it went by so quickly! i wish i had more time to practice! i want to learn the liszt concerto by the end of the week...oh well, we'll see about that at the end of the week.

my prokofieff sonatas didn't arrive yet! aaaaugh.

my dad read physics chapter 4 and taught it to me superbly. i guess i'll just have to ask him to teach me physics from now on! whoopee. an in-house physics tutor. today's comp sci quiz was weird, i can't say if it was hard or not because it was so oddball. yeah. something like that.

oh, i don't feel like blogging much today...see y'all later.

:: sqroot2 10/02/2001 11:31:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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there's a difference between a-sharp and b-flat?

*yawn* so tired!

:: sqroot2 10/02/2001 06:04:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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i'm really worried about grace and josh. but the last time i tried to comfort either...i couldn't. maybe it's my approach, maybe it's their individual personalities.

i was just practicing liszt's first piano concerto in e-flat major when my dad awoke and began to pound on the door of the bathroom leading to the laundry room which leads to the kitchen which leads to the family room where the piano is. oh, i love that concerto! its difficulties are so manageable given time, and the results are so rewarding!

i wish i could practice late at night, say 12 or so. it's nice and cool, even with the windows closed (so i don't wake up my neighbors). there are no rushes of cars passing by. i can turn on my halogen light to illuminate my score without sweating like a dog. it feels so much more alone--the only thing in my world being myself, the piano, and the music. somehow, i can't reach that sense of alienation or abandon with the cello. the cello i can practice anytime, anywhere, with a crowd around me or alone. with the cello--oh, it's just different. i don't wish for the abandon that i prefer when i play the piano. i wish i could practice right now, without waking my dad up...how nice that would be. i have such idealized visions of my perfect world. i guess my yamaha baby grand is enough for me, at least for now...don't know about getting a steinway later on in life because richter said that steinways are unbalanced in the sense that it has a strong bass and not enough treble to match. we'll see.

i adore music. i wish i had more of myself to spend on it; i wish i had more of myself to give to people, to one in particular. music is wonderful, except i don't like the fact that even when i'm in my underwear and my underwear only, and i'm playing the piano right after school, that i still have to mop the sweat from my face and body with an extra shirt.

hopefully my copy of prokofieff's nine piano sonatas will come tomorrow. i like prokofieff a lot, granted prokofieff is really modern-sounding. but he doesn't push the limits too far. or else maybe i've just gotten tolerant of prokofieff, stravinsky, shostakovich, and others without really knowing that i have. for prokofieff does have some very beautiful melodies.

:: sqroot2 10/02/2001 12:40:00 AM [+] :: something to say? []
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ok, it's really funny how people from other time zones are viewing my page. i don't know if sitemeter takes your computer setting and uses that as the time zone, or determines it from IP or whatever. well, if you're in a different time zone, email me, because i want to know who you are!

:: sqroot2 10/01/2001 10:45:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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you know what, i have a lot of respect for the relationship that grace and josh carry on. it seems to last through whatever shit happens, which is amazing...not much else to say, except that i don't think many people will find that kind of a relationship so early on, too.

:: sqroot2 10/01/2001 10:40:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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time to blog!

h'm. i'm going to accompany lisa campbell when she play's stravinsky's [extremely charming] suite italienne for some audition thing at ucla october 20th or 21st. i swear learning a piece in one day is a sure brain-wrecker. it's a really easy piece, but it's like you're working against yourself when you try to get it up to speed--you just end up making more and more mistakes. it's like trying to plow through a block of ice. i find that if i sleep on a new piece or do homework or something else, then the next time i touch it, it's really easy. i have three weeks, at any rate, to polish up my playing and get it right. that's a long time, considering i learned the whole piece today.

comp sci quiz tomorrow. aaaah! i haven't studied yet, though i finished a caltech essay and am going to do another one tonight hopefully. my mom's using the phone right now, poop. bah.

piano lesson was today. i always enjoy learning so much. really, i think that technique is almost entirely piece-dependent. sure, you can have good technique, but then you're saying you play this passage of this piece well--there's no way you're going to be able to find out if you play so many percent of all the music ever written well. okay, that didn't make much sense, but oh well.

somehow, making this blog public detracts from its content. i was going to put something up here today but decided against it because it was an un-complimenting comment directed at someone who might read it. oh well, that is of little consequence now that i've decided not to put it on.

:: sqroot2 10/01/2001 10:21:00 PM [+] :: something to say? []
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i just recorded myself playing the piano and burned it onto cd! :D

:: sqroot2 10/01/2001 01:14:00 AM [+] :: something to say? []
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